Benjamin was due to go down for his latest operation which was to redo his aortic valve repair and to place pulmonary artery stents. It is a major set of procedures with a risk factor of 10-20%. I slept badly last night and woke very early to get down the hospital to see him before he went down.
Benjamin seems so unlike himself as he was paralysed and sedated and it was heart breaking. We spent some time with Liz, and then Nicki ( the nurse for handover) and watched her set him up on his mobile monitoring and reposition all his lines and ventilation.
The doctors was running really late so we were clock watching and then rounds started!! We sat and waited and waited and waited but then James came to see us and asked to speak to us about his operation plan in the day room.
They cancelled his operation!!! The surgeon wasn't able to do it as he wasn't mentally ready, Don't get me wrong he is a fantastic surgeon and there was bound to be a really good reason for it, and they were concerned that the operation he had yesterday had gone so badly that he needed time to get better.
As you can imagine Me and Dave were stunned, we had spent the night before mentally preparing for a big operation and the possibility of Benjamin not making it and now we are being told its not happening.
Well that was it for me, it felt like the ton of bricks i had been carrying on my shoulders had increased and dragged me down. My head exploded with pain and tension and I struggled to express my thoughts as they were so angry. Anger was not going to achieve anything and we wouldn't want anyone touching Benjamin who wasn't on top form. It was the right decision to make but a very difficult time for us.
Mom came down as me and Dave had discussed him going back to work and I went to bed before mom arrived. It was good to have mom here as I was able to off load all my anxiety and have a few laughs.
Mom and Me went to visit Benjamin before evening rounds and he looked settled and comfy. He was having another blood transfusion and was attempting to rub his tapes holding his ventilator on , off... as normal! So he was doing ok.
Its a quiet night for me and I'm starting my normal care plan for him tomorrow and wait to hear when he is actually going for that operation.
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