I arrive and Emily is on which is great as she is very good with Benjamin but also I feel like she is a friend. Actually there are many nurses that I feel I have made friends with and will miss when we finally do go home.
Masamo the surgeon appeared next to me and said they were planning on doing the operation TODAY!!! As you can imagine I was a little more than shocked. Dave is at work, Moms gone home and I'm by myself and they plan to go down for surgery at 13.30!!! its 10.30 now so I have very little time to digest or to get people here.
It was funny as I sat there gob on floor and Emily stood looking pretty shocked too! We just both looked at each other with eye brows raised for a second. They don't do major surgery's on a Friday.
Once I picked my jaw up , I called Dave and my mom and waited.
and waited,
Mom and Dave arrived
We all waited
and waited
Benjamin still wasn't back at 18.00 , but when I called into Emily she said they had said that they had done what they needed to but were going to be a while yet.
He still wasn't back at 20.00. Were going out of our mind with worry and fear. We just want him to come back and be safe.
Finally at 23.00 we got the call that he was back and will be in the ward shortly. When we arrive Benjamin is in a normal bed and the machines are surrounding him. we were told he was put n the echmo machine but to see it was just so overwhelming. This machine is basically an artificial heart and set of lungs. It push, pulls oxygenated blood, once removing carbon dioxide from the blood, through Benjamin's body so that he doesn't have to do anything. The risk of this is his heart may not start again, especially as he has sustained damage to his heart muscle.
Benjamin is naked but we can hardly see his body for pipes, blood tubes, chest drains, infusion wires and monitoring wires. He is very cold as it helps keep his tissues balanced and working well. I eventually get to sit next to him for a minute and hold his hand. My little baby feels so cold and looks so poorly. I love him so much that it doesn't matter and soon blends from my view but doesn't diminish the intense feelings of shock, horror and panic.
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| Echmo machine and some ofhis Inatropes |
Benjamin has 2 nurses tonight and several doctors and a proffusionist who is managing the echmo machine. He has a full intense team looking after him so we cant stay. We cant sit with him and touch him like we normally do.
Mom, Dave and myself don't leave til 02.30 not really knowing what will happen tomorrow. They are taking him back to the cath lab as they want to re look at his stents and a he is on the echmo machine it is a lot safer! I really hope Gareth and Masamo sleep well tonight as they will be doing it and they look tired. And who could blame them.
There is nothing more to do other than try to sleep ( which I don't) and keep positive( which is incredibly difficult)
Lets just hope tomorrow goes well and he is strong enough to come of the support on monday
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